You.

It wasn’t you. It was me. I have no explanation for what happened, for why I chose someone else over you, but it’s been 4 years to that and you moved on too, like you should have. Then two and a half years ago, while we both were in different countries and I now don’t have any idea how that happened but we were overwhelmed with the emotions and tried giving it a shot, but it would have hurt people so  we took our steps back.

And that is when we decided that we must maintain distance, this time you were really strong, I missed you and it was mostly me now who started the conversation first, which used to be very short and formal ones as if we were nothing but mere acquaintances.

But as it always happens, time passed, and I, to be very honest, stopped thinking about us. But, destiny, or could we say it, our friend, called us both to her birthday party, I literally begged her  that I couldn’t come as it will be uncomfortable, given that your girlfriend was invited too, she din’t agree and I gathered up my courage, and with a bit shaky hands drove to the place where we were supposed to meet. You came after some time and as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t look at you. The bottom line – those were pretty hard 2 hours for me.

Though we din’t speak much, we felt good that day (yes, I’m speaking on your behalf too). And so, we talked again, about things, about us, about things we shouldn’t have (according to our situations). But then whoop, came a big bomb and this time you had to choose, but for that you asked me first to choose, or may be you knew what I’d say. But whatever, you made me feel like I had again chosen someone else over you, once again. And that was it. I lost my every chance with you.

One year later, that is now, I think most of the nights about you, whether we are meant to be or not, whether I should wait for you or not. There are so many questions and no answer at all. Or should I have chosen you a year ago while I was still with someone and you were too with someone. I don’t know, I have no idea, all I know is that these answers keep me awake.

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