The dream

It is a known fact that when you sleep, thinking about something or someone, then it stays in your mind and often takes the form of a dream. These things have happened to me, just like it must have happened with you. But what to interpret when you see a very exciting dream about someone whom you don’t even know.

I fell in love in my dream and I could still recall how I felt it then, it was good. It was a boy, who was a psychiatrist, with great humor, we met randomly while I was travelling in a different city, and in just our first meeting, I knew what it was.

Now, neither I was thinking about love, before going to sleep, nor about  a boy, at least not the one I saw. But it was pretty exciting.

May be deep down, I miss being in love, may be it’s a sign that I’m gonna meet someone new or may be it was nothing. Who knows! Even scientists don’t have any explanation of why we dream what we dream.

For all I wanna remember is that it felt good.

A moment of bliss.

Talking to you, just like we used to do it 5 years ago, made me realize that somethings never really change.

It was the same humor, same insults and most importantly same feelings. You still like me like you used to do, I could tell it. I felt so good and loved after a long time. But that had to be it, cause according to the “rule”, we can talk just once in a while and not often.

But the thing that I felt was now working like a drug, but I wanted to feel in some more. I wanted to talk to you more and never want it to stop. When, when will that time come when we will have no conditions. Will it ever come? Or we both have to play pretend forever? I think it will, and I think it will come soon.

Patience is the key and that’s what I’m doing. I don’t want these small moments, I want a lot of time with you. Hope to see you soon in my life.

And I burn a little more

I was always a fire, but I was unaware of my powers, then you came n lit me up. No matter how hard I tried to stay away from you, you made your way back to me, until I surrendered completely. It felt unreal, cause that’s how good it was.

Time flew, we stayed together to keep the magic alive but things started going south soon enough for me to realize that you were a moth and were attracted to other flames as well. Now, I was not someone special, but just an ordinary person who couldn’t keep her shit together, not ready to accept the fact that someone who made me feel so good about myself was giving up on me so easily. Not able to understand how this thing works. I was haunted by these question again and again on various nights. Exactly how it works? How someone fall out of love so easily? Was it something that I did? Am I not good enough for a person’s love? They hit me so much so that I started shutting my system, it started first with the death of my vibes, I din’t want to be the successful person I dreamt of becoming before. I din’t want to go out and start my career. And slowly and slowly you killed me.

The answers were nowhere to be found, I guess there is no explanation for these things. I tried to console myself, made a lot of efforts to comprehend this thing but it din’t take me a very little thing to go and reminisce the past that we shared, and after all those efforts, I find myself back in the hole from where it is impossible to come out.

The fire that I had was now not something I admire, it became my enemy. My fire now burned me as well.

Black Smelly Cat

Oh! Black cat. What exactly are they feeding you? You’re obviously not their favorite pet. Yes yes I know, these are not my lines. They were spoken by the great Phoebe Buffay.

But can we take out some time and acknowledge her wisdom. To be honest, I am not a superstitious person, but recent events have made be believe that their is somethings about black cats, which brings some, not very good luck.

The small creature has crossed my path too, while I was driving, for a second I thought that may be I should stop then and there but then again I’m a 21st century girl and I din’t stop but carried on and it turned out just fine. It was 6 years ago. And since then, by belief that the cute cat has nothing to do with the bad luck became stronger.

But recently, my parents went on a trip, and on their way back, a black cat crossed their path. While my mother and some other people saw it, the other friends din’t and they continued their journey.

They now faced a very bad time, one after other some thing would happen that would make them worried. Like, a phone got lost in the phone, the break of the car failed and the most big one, my uncle, while he was crossing the road on foot when all of the other members stopped to have tea, met with an accident, my mother swears that he is lucky enough to be alive.

On the same evening, when they were back, they told the story to our neighbors and a long discussion started, everybody started telling their own stories that how they all have seen some bad luck fell upon them when the crossed their paths. The ending was every time the same, they either met with an accident or some other bad thing happens.

So this made me think, what is it about the them that leads the journey’s end to a bad ending.  Should I still love ’em or should I change my path the next they cross it.

 

You.

It wasn’t you. It was me. I have no explanation for what happened, for why I chose someone else over you, but it’s been 4 years to that and you moved on too, like you should have. Then two and a half years ago, while we both were in different countries and I now don’t have any idea how that happened but we were overwhelmed with the emotions and tried giving it a shot, but it would have hurt people so  we took our steps back.

And that is when we decided that we must maintain distance, this time you were really strong, I missed you and it was mostly me now who started the conversation first, which used to be very short and formal ones as if we were nothing but mere acquaintances.

But as it always happens, time passed, and I, to be very honest, stopped thinking about us. But, destiny, or could we say it, our friend, called us both to her birthday party, I literally begged her  that I couldn’t come as it will be uncomfortable, given that your girlfriend was invited too, she din’t agree and I gathered up my courage, and with a bit shaky hands drove to the place where we were supposed to meet. You came after some time and as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t look at you. The bottom line – those were pretty hard 2 hours for me.

Though we din’t speak much, we felt good that day (yes, I’m speaking on your behalf too). And so, we talked again, about things, about us, about things we shouldn’t have (according to our situations). But then whoop, came a big bomb and this time you had to choose, but for that you asked me first to choose, or may be you knew what I’d say. But whatever, you made me feel like I had again chosen someone else over you, once again. And that was it. I lost my every chance with you.

One year later, that is now, I think most of the nights about you, whether we are meant to be or not, whether I should wait for you or not. There are so many questions and no answer at all. Or should I have chosen you a year ago while I was still with someone and you were too with someone. I don’t know, I have no idea, all I know is that these answers keep me awake.

Signs

Sometimes, you need signs, to know that your waiting is worthwhile. That works as motivation, that keeps us going. But when you don not get the signs, then you start wondering that is waiting for that thing or that one person right?

Right now I am so desperate to get one little sign, I wanna know if it’s right or not.

As if, I’ll ask and I’ll get one. I know it doesn’t work that way, but sometimes we with the most illogical thing to happen and pray that it does soon. I am just doing that. I’m only human.

Obsession or Love?

Obsession and love. How do you differentiate between these two things? It happens with everyone, there comes a time when we find someone so comforting that we don’t want to let them go and think about them almost every second of the day. This is the sign of love, when you fall in love with someone’s soul but don’t you think that it is also a sign of obsession.

I kinda have it on someone. I wanna talk to him everyday but as it can’t happen my mind creates weird scenarios and almost makes me insane by overthinking, and even when we do talk, I find myself short of topics. I can’t call this thing love, but rather take it as my obsession from which even I feel like staying away when sanity hits me again after a brief period.

It is true that we can’t define love, nobody can ever do it. But when a person like me who is always aware about my self-respect, behaves in such a way so as the self-respect seems to drown, I call it madness. And also I read a quote which said “Never fall in love with anyone or anything you are obsessed with, remember, love is eternal but obsession dies out too soon.”

Dear me! I wish I overcome whatsoever this thing is.

 

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